I have recently begun a fitness regime in an attempt to “streamline operations” and get in some sort of shape other than round. Seeking an activity I can do while travelling, with a minimum of equipment, I turned to running and found the appropriately named “Couch to 5K” nine week program on a running website. The appeal was instant, as I met the initial barrier to entry, being a bit of a fan of the couch, and 5K (3 miles) seemed like a lofty yet attainable goal for this reforming couch jockey.

As you read this, I am huffing and puffing my way into the final week of the program, although after watching several weeks of the Olympics, it is clear that the activity I engage in looks more like awkward trudging than what one could legitimately call running. I’ve also signed up for my first athletic competition since my days as a lackluster college athlete, a 5K appropriately named the “Hog Jog.”

Despite my less than athletic appearance, I have begun to feel a difference and was growing more confident in my fitness prowess until we purchased a Wii Fit, essentially a video game connected to a balance board/scale that purports to improve your fitness. I strode to the machine with a swagger, happy with the ten pounds our bathroom scale informed me I had lost, and stepped on the balance board. The animated representation of me in the game promptly ballooned as the machine told me, in no uncertain terms: “You’re Obese!” Adding insult to injury, a lengthy balance test ended in the machine asking if I “trip over my own feet” or “have difficulty walking.”

So, if you seen an obese gentleman trudging along the side of the road, tripping over his own feet and clearly experiencing trouble, resist the urge to veer your automobile to the side of the road and put him out of his misery!

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