To celebrate my return to the road, here’s a little consultant humor to finish up the week. Those who share this profession usually don’t know if the should laugh or cry reading some of these…

ARE YOU A CONSULTANT OR A PROSTITUTE?

1. You work very odd hours.
2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.
3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.
4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.
5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended.
6. You are not proud of what you do.
7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.
8. It’s difficult to have a family.
9. You have no job satisfaction.
10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.
11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.
12. People ask you, “What do you do?” and you can’t explain it.
13. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.
14. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.
15. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or Jaguars.
16. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it’s not your problem.
17. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).
18. You are rated on your “performance” in an excruciating ordeal.
19. Even though you might get paid the big bucks, it’s the client who walks away smiling.
20. The client always thinks your “cut” of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.
21. When you deduct your “take” from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.

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THE CURSE IS BROKEN!!! Not only do the Sox xome back from a three game deficit, but they sweep the series. Finally, this really was the year!

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Yesterday I received official word that I am heading out to Chicago on Monday for work. It’s been a little over a year since I was last travelling for work full-time, and I have mixed feelings about my return to the road. My favorite aspect of consulting is that a change in clients is almost like getting a new job, with new people, problems and locations. Your actual employer stays the same, so there is some degree of consistency to the entire operation. Frequent travellers also get some nice perks in the form of frequent flyer miles and first class upgrades. I will however, miss seeing Meghan on a daily basis.

Working from home these past few weeks has been nice in that Meghan and I have been able to spend some quality time together. It’s nice to see each other after work, and I’ll miss that as I return to the friendly skies. My project does allow for returning on Thursday night, so it won’t be too bad. I’ll post some updates once I settle in out in Chi-town, as I “enjoy” the project-mandated stay at the Holiday Inn (queue the Chingy song). One thing you’ll quickly learn about consultants is that we’re all “travel snobs,” and the Ho-liday just doesn’t cut it, especially where you’re spending 200 days per year there.

Categories: Work
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Due to some ongoing technical difficulties with my mobile phone, I recently had to exchange it for a new one. Before the exchange, I was removing all vestiges of my personal life, and had quite a smile and laugh when it came time to clean out the photos I had taken. The one below is from a trip Meghan and I took over the summer to Quebec City (please excuse the poor quality, I forgot my ?real? digital camera and had to resort to inferior camera phone technology), and seeing Meghan in her biker garb inspired me to chronicle our Canadian Expedition.

This trip was one filled with near disasters. The weather conspired against us on every day that we were riding, my Magellan-esque navigation skills were not up to their usual par, and we were challenged with avoiding what seemed like a mass migration of God?s chosen people. This trip was one of those experiences that I?m sure happy couples everywhere can relate to. When circumstances conspire against you, the average pair of people will wear down from the strain and be at each other?s throats. During the challenges of this trip however, even when drenched and faced with near death at the hands of a Quebecois-style construction site, Meghan stayed positive and we were allies in a battle of ?us versus the world.?

Show me more… »

Categories: Travel
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Meghan doesn’t know it yet since she’s fast asleep, but a few minutes ago the Red Sox finally broke the curse! I’m not as huge a fan as some, but it’s great to see the sox finally beat the Yankees in post-season play. The last Red Sox hat I had as a kid was a 1986 AL Champions hat… I’m not buying one this year so I don’t jinx the Nation!

Categories: General
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We’ve officially struck out with our third Church. The “Church of the Little Flower,” while more polite with Meghan and telling her to “go with God,” does not care to play host to our big day. The recurring theme seems to be that you have to have a close relative who is active in the congregation to get married at a Catholic church. At this point, it’s looking like we have three options:

1. Have the wedding at Meghan’s Grandmother’s Church in Newark. I like this option since it’s called St. Patrick’s
2. Start commuting 100 miles to one of these Churches every weekend, until we’re “official” members and can then have our wedding there.
3. Have some kind of “unofficial” ceremony at the reception site.

We’re both Catholic, so we’d prefer to get the Church involved. I always thought this would be the easiest part of the planning process! I’m glad I’m only doing this marriage thing once :-)! I’m still patiently waiting for my new job to get me out at a client site, so it’s looking like I have another week at home. Hopefully I can make some progress on some other aspect of the planning so we have some good news to report! I think it’s time I dust off our official wedding planning book, and see where we’re supposed to be in the process.

Categories: Wedding
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Meghan and I had a good laugh from this guestbook entry (look for entry seven). I’ve been called a lot of things, but never mistaken for a cartoon starfish! Upon further research of this “Patrick” character, I was a little sad to learn he is “not the brightest of sea life” but was pleased to hear that “he’s got a heart of gold.”

See if you think there are any similarities:

In case you’re wondering, I don’t normally dress like that. This was for a “special” occasion.

Categories: Wedding, General
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The “new look” for PatandMeg.com has completed its initial screening, garnering approval from my better half, as well as PatandMeg.com’s number one fan Kara! Please let us know what you think of the new colors and layout. Burgundy was chosen as the main color of the site, since this will likely be the primary “official” color for the wedding. With a little luck, the new photo gallery will also make its debut this week.

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Much is happening behind the scenes at PatandMeg.com. We’re working on an improved photo server, that will allow access to our stored “life in photos,” as well as jazzing up the look and feel of the site. My talents as a graphic artist are, shall we say, lacklustre, and the current template for the site was borrowed (no, I really didn’t come up with the little blue flowers on my own). In the coming weeks we’ll be unveiling these changes, so please be patient if you experience any display problems or other strangeness.

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Your favorite New Year?s Eve party planning couple is at it again!! Montreal 2002, New Hampshire 2003, ??? 2004

Pat and I are in the early stages of planning for New Year?s 2004 and are interested to know who is interested in joining the party this year. Post a reply if you have a suggested location or if you are interested in ringing in the New Year with us.

Categories: General
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I finally spoke with someone in some kind of position of authority at St. Genevieve’s, and I’m sorry to report this was our second strike with the Catholic Church. I had high hopes as I dialed the number for the Church, and instead of the answering machine that’s never answered, I got the “handler” I had spoken to a while ago. My confidence began to build a little further as the handler actually responded in the affirmative when I asked if there was someone I could speak to about holding a wedding at the Church.

I explained to the “gentleman” that was then placed on the phone that I was interested in being married at St. Gen’s, and he cut me short and asked if we were members of the parish. I explained that we were not, as we lived in Connecticut, and he immediately told me I we could not be married there unless we had an official connection to the Church. I explained that Meghan spent some of her first school years at the Church’s school, and received her first communion there, but that was not good enough for Mr. Gruff.

He was getting noticeably frustrated that I would dare ask to have the Good Lord preside over one of the most important events of my life, and finally said that I would have to “find one of the priests” and ask him to marry us.

“That’s the procedure and that’s all there is to it. Good bye.”

I really hope this person was not a priest, or that I just caught him on a bad day. It’s discouraging that the Catholic Church finds us to be such an inconvenience. I understand that we’re not part of any flock in the North Jersey area, but one would think that occasionally, people live in a different place than that in which they want to be married.

The silver lining on this cloud is that we found a Church about two miles away from our reception site. It’s called the “Church of the Little Flower,” and with a name like that, it’s got to be a little more welcoming than the Church of St. Gruff. Let’s hope the third time, as they say, is the charm!

Categories: Wedding
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?Miss, can I borrow some tape and a pair of scissors??
?Sorry, you?ll have to ask Ms. Verhille.?

Of course Ms. Verhille gave him what he was asking for. It seemed innocent enough?though she did mention that it was suspicious he insisted on using it at his desk. Later she mentioned that she didn?t think anything of it until she heard me yelling, ?What are you doing!?! Boy, you must be crazy; I know you did not just ruin my brand new French textbook!!!?

Honestly, I think that if this was taken to court, he could win his case by claiming temporary insanity. I mean really, would it occur to anyone in their right mind to neatly cut out the middle part of two pages from a textbook and tape them in their desk in order to cheat on a test?

As you can imagine, I was pretty upset that he was plotting to cheat on the test. Most of all, I was offended that he would deface the brand new textbook that was entrusted to him? ?You all are in 8th grade, how long have you been using textbooks in school? I can?t believe that I would have to tell you not to cut pages out of your book… Why would you cut pages out of your book? It?s not OK to destroy any page of any book, especially if it doesn?t belong to you?? At this point I was franticly pacing around the room, flailing my arms, and drastically changing the intonation of my words. Although I am known for successfully managing a classroom with over dramatization, this was totally unintentional!

He was pretty upset and probably embarrassed that I was making such a big deal out of it. I guess a teacher catching you preparing to cheat on a test?in such a ludicrous manner?is pretty humiliating for any adolescent and my rubbing it in wasn?t really helping?Really though, what in the hell was he doing to my brand new French book!

It didn?t end there though, after class I happened to run into all the teachers and the assistant principal and retell all of the details of his actions. From what I heard, he was really hearing it from them all day long. Towards the end of the day he came to me and begged that I not call his mother, ?Please Miss, I?ll take any punishment, just don?t call my mother!? ?Oh no,? I replied, ?you should have thought of that before you did what you did this morning, now you have to suffer the consequences??

So I?m still asking myself, what should the consequences for this be? Should he never be allowed to use a textbook within fifty feet of a pair of scissors without close adult supervision?

Categories: Work, General
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After the saga with the Newark Cathedral, we thought we?d try a smaller church, and picked one where Meghan had her first communion. We assumed there would be no wedding planner to deal with, no exorbitant fees and hopefully a minimum of rules and requirements. All these things may or may not be true, but we have been unable to find out since the church refuses to return our phone calls!

I?ve called several times, and only on one particular evening had the privilege of speaking with a real human being. This person is apparently the ?handler? for the priests, since at various times when I spoke to him the priests were ?resting,? eating dinner, in meetings, handing more pressing business or otherwise incommunicado. I was asked if I had an ?emergency,? which got us wondering what kind of emergencies one would require a priest for. The only thing we could come up with was the admission of the Last Rites, and I hope there aren?t that many people kicking the bucket that a common phone call to a church is from a dying man or woman!

Hopefully I?ll have some luck getting in touch with there good folks at the church. Perhaps I can fake a deadly illness, and convince the priest I need a bulk sacrament discount. Maybe they?ll throw in a free marriage with the purchase of Last Rites!

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As the calendar changed months, summer appears to have abruptly ended in Southern Connecticut. The high temperature for the day has dropped from the mid 80’s to the low 70’s, almost in the course of a single week. Yesterday was the first day I’ve worn a long sleeve shirt and jacket outside the house in a long time.

Each morning when we wake up, the cars are covered in dew, and I would imagine it’s only a matter of weeks until that dew is replaced by frost. Next time we see temps in the 80’s and 90’s, our wedding will be right around the corner! Hopefully these cooler days will be good “wedding planning weather!”

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