My friends and fellow Americans, I usually keep politics off of PatandMeg.com, but there’s one issue that’s just too important to ignore. It’s an issue that has been keeping me awake at night, and one that the press and both candidates have attempted to cover up, in what can only be described as a vast middle-wing conspiracy. It is time we as Americans stop sitting on the sidelines while the fat cats in Washington trample the little guy. It’s time we institute comprehensive reform to rid ourselves of the scourge of… Main St/Wall St references!

Perhaps I’m the only one that thanks our forefathers for a right to bear arms each time I hear “It’s time for those fatcats in <DC/Congress/CEO Suites/Paris Hilton’s Underwear Drawer/boardrooms/New York City/London/Frankfurt/Jimmy Hoffa’s Basement> to stop thinking about Wall St. and start thinking about Main St!!!! (insert applause track here).” I started seriously contemplated parking my noggin in front of a 12-guage by the 3984729^thtime I heard a Wall St/Main St reference. The gimmick was cute the first time I heard it. In case you’ve lived in a cave (apparently a cave with an internet connection since you’re here) I’ll break it down for you. See there are all these eeeeeeevil white guys in suits on Wall St, and they traipsed down to Main Streets in wholesome towns like Scranton and Peoria in their Mabach Benzes. They drove over puppies and killed cute kittens and made everyone take bad mortgages, when all everyone on Main St. ever wanted was a house with 6 98″ plasma TV’s bought on credit and a bunch of crap from Wal*Mart they couldn’t really afford. The nice politicians in both parties all tried to stop them by encouraging the government to back all the silly mortgages, but when the whole house of cards came crashing down, the white guys in suits we’re the easiest to blame, and made for the best soundbites, so here we are, with Main St getting pummeled by stupid soundbites brought on by fast and loose play on Wall St.

I’m preparing to file my own bid for President, where we’ll institute a comprehensive bailout program for those Americans who find themselves drowning in Main St/Wall St references. The Federal Government will purchase preferred shares in any media outlet that can go for more than 23 seconds without a Main St/Wall St reference, and finally rid our streets and cities of the evils of high-powered Main St/Wall St assault-style soundbites. This common-sense legislation will turn our homes and workplaces back into decent public spaces, where any American can live and work free from the fear of another Main St/Wall St reference. My two opponents have found themselves in the pockets of lobbyists and special interests, and I have shocking footage of them repeatedly associating with Main St/Wall St references. For the safety of our children, and our children’s children, and our children’s children’s children’s children’s children, we must act now.

I’m Pat of PatandMeg.com, and I approved this message.

Categories: Humor
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I found this picture during an unrelated search:

Bizarro Pat and Meg.

Categories: Humor
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Here is a little Christmas Cheer from PatandMeg.com:

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1609950280

Categories: Humor
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When I woke up Tuesday morning, I wasn’t really sure what the transit strike would mean for me. I knew that my usual Metro North trains would be running, and that I would be able to walk—like I usually do in good weather—from the train to work in about ten minutes. I sat watching the news for a few minutes and everything that they said seemed so terrible. I saw images of people walking over bridges, and complaining about every aspect of the city’s contingency plan. The part I found most humorous was parents complaining about how their children’s schools would open late—what am I to do with Johnny until 10:30?

New York City teachers were given a one hour grace period, which we all took to mean that you didn’t have to be at work until 9:30. Since I usually arrive in the building around 7:00 in the morning, I decided to take a later train, but still arrive by 8:15. When I did arrive I realized that the building was just as barren as it usually is when I arrive, and I would still have my quiet time to work alone. The only thing that I really found out of sorts was that most of the office staff had not yet arrived, so a security guard was answering the phones. She’s a funny, loud mouthed, southern Mama that usually tells you exactly what she is thinking; all the while calling you Boo (and speaking VERY LOUDLY!). She thought it outrageous that parents and children were calling to see what time school opened, “Don’t you have a TV? Don’t you watch it? Haven’t you seen there’s a strike? It’s all over the news on TV and the radio that you don’t have to come in at regular time! 10:30 Boo, and if you come earlier, don’t expect me to open the door and let you in!” After that conversation, she turned to me and revealed how dumb she thought the last caller was, and reminded me that these people live with the TV and radio on, how could they miss it? Then she rattled on about how all this just made her angry and not answer the phone anymore, but she still did. EVERY TIME!

Well after the first day, it seemed that everyone found their routine to get to work, and we quickly got accustomed to teaching only half a day, after having plenty of time to plan and hang out with your colleagues in the hour before the students arrived. Ahh the life! It was great while it lasted, especially since it was right before vacation and the kids were wild to begin with!

I read a few articles about the strike and its impact on various facets of life in the city that never sleeps, one of which was the negative impact the strike was having on attendance rates in public schools. I think that one report stated that high school attendance rates went down to 31%, middle schools to 66% and elementary schools to 70%. I think that my students threw off that curve! I had perfect attendance everyday of the strike. I joke around and call my homeroom class of seventh graders mailmen: through rain, snow, sleet, hail, and strikes, they call come to school on time! Got to love my little ones!

On Thursday afternoon we were singing a different tune though. With the possibility of the strike ending one day before our vacation was really a drag. Why did it have to end, it was so convenient for us! What were we supposed to do with kids for an entire day on Friday? Actually teach for eight periods?!? Oh… the horror! Well the strike did end on Thursday night, and despite our hopes and prayers, the transit system was up and running to full capacity by the Friday morning commute. We welcomed the children at 8:30, and it was back to business as usual.

Categories: Humor, Work
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Super-massive element discovered

LIVERMORE, Calif. — Researchers at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratories today announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named “Governmentium”, (Gv) with one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-ike particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with taxtons, $, Governmentium becomes Administratium – an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Categories: Humor
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