For patandmeg.com the summer began with traveling and merrymaking with our friends and family, including two family reunions in the Poconos and New Hampshire, and a wedding in Puerto Rico. Besides the Gray family of Fort Mill, SC, there were three other guests that traveled with us to each of these occasions: Billy Beer, Wanda Wine and Larry Liquor. While we definitely enjoyed all of the events and these three guests were tremendous additions, the ultimate result was an addition to our waistlines and butts! Several pounds heavier on our return from San Juan—yes we did manage to pry our hands from the half empty bottles of rum—we made a decision: not to diet, but to make a “lifestyle change”.

In the past, we have both tried to “diet” with great short term results but no long term reductions and life satisfaction. We do well for a bit—bending the rules here and there to meet our needs—but in the end there is no net loss. While I was still in Philly and Pat was in Stamford we tried (for solidarity)the long distance Atkins Diet: lots of meat and cheese and no carbs. My affair with Dr Atkins ended upbruptly with a bowl of pasta and an intervention from my roommates stating that without carbs in my life I became really mean and short volatile. For Pat the diet went on longer and after a few months was down about 20 pounds, but when a few nights of drinking and real nachos (with tortilla chips and not flaxseed ones) came about, in the end there was little loss.

Our next foray in dieting was with the South Beach Diet. The key to this one is navigating your large bum through three phases and altering your body’s response to food and insulin production. The first phase, the most restrictive, lasts two weeks and does not allow any fruit, flour, baked goods, starches, and alcohol. After those two weeks it is said that your body has adjusted and you can start bringing back healthy amounts of some of these items and staying away from others. Our biggest challenge with this diet was always the two weeks on the wagon and not spending any time with our friends Billy Beer, Wanda Wine and Larry Liquor at all during those first two weeks. There was always an event, or night out that kept us from maintaining our booze-free promise to the beach and led to a downward spiral from the actual diet.

This time is different though… we decided that we weren’t going to call it a diet, but a lifestyle change instead. Since work-wise I am on the beach right now, we thought it a good time to try and transition to the South Beach way of thinking again. I have plenty of time to read up on recipes and plan menus so we have been pretty happy with the food side of things; and we have plenty of time to work out so exercise and fitness is also taken care of. We also made a commitment to ourselves and each other to uphold the no alcohol side of the bargain as well. A tremendous feat knowing us! So far we have lost a collective 20 pounds and are really starting to love Sugar Free Cool Whip….

The past two weeks on the wagon (16 booze free days to be exact—we worked hard for every one of those days) has been pretty interesting. We talked about it a lot, and we wanted to make sure that we weren’t locking ourselves in the house and not having any fun, because that would ultimately make us sour on the whole experience. Among the highlights were that we went to trivia and karaoke at Beef’s with our crew and managed to stick to Iced Tea and Diet Coke. In order to help us keep track of our time, I installed a countdown on my homepage listing the days, hours and minutes remaining until we can dabble with life off the wagon a bit. Today at 5:00 pm we will celebrate our will power and stamina with a Manhattan for Pat and some wine for Meg. Join us ?!?

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If you want to get me riled up, one of the easiest ways to do it is ask about the “delights” of running a business in New York. There are multiple taxes and fees, each collected by a different agency, and each on a different schedule from each other and from the Federal government.

Upon returning from our Nova Scotia trip (the final chapter and pictures will be posted soon), I had no less than four “assessment” notices from my friends in Albany, all for fees not because I did not pay all my taxes, but because I had filed some at the wrong time, or not filed a form to indicate I had no taxes due!

I used to be quite the amateur politico, firing off letters on my opinions on various issues to my representatives. In my frustration over taxes, I dusted off my keyboard and rifled off a letter to Governor Pataki, as well as the Commissioner of Taxation, sharing my “thoughts and insights” into the tax environment in NY. This morning, I actually received a call from a very polite woman from Taxation regarding my letter. She offered to refund several of my fees, and put me in touch with one of the other departments that had assessed me. While this does not necessarily address the root problem, it is nice to know that some folks in government actually listen to their constituents, and will actually attempt to make things right.

Kudos to NY State, but I still am looking forward to moving to greener pastures.

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After yesterday, I am well on my way to riding around the world on a motorcycle! Pat and I went for my first real ride on some nice roads instead of the usual trip around the parking lot at the train station or Playland. It was about a 45 mile round trip, and I set a new MotoMeg speed record of 50 mph! Another important accomplishment was the fact that I got my first few waves from other bikers, and I was actually able to pry my fingers from the handlebars to return the wave. Finally, and most importantly, my odometer finally passed 100 miles. We are looking forward to logging at least another 500 before our trip to Nova Scotia in August so that Pat can complete the necessary service on the bike at home.

See you on the road!

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While we were diving in Cayman, even the intervals of time on the surface between dives were enjoyable and informative thanks to Nick Buckley! We actually dove twice at Trinity Caves, the site where a few weeks before, David Blaine did a lot of the shooting for his latest TV special. Nick told us a lot about David and his underwater trickery—something that immediately grabbed my attention. Actually, I didn’t know all that much about him before we got back and I started doing some research. www.davidblaine.com

Today David began his latest endurance challenge right here in New York—he will be living in an eight foot bubble aquarium in the plaza at Lincoln Center. Clearly, this is a major event in American History; therefore I am taking my students there on a trip on Thursday! Actually, the history making part of it is not really the rationalization for the trip; instead it’s more an opportunity for the students to write friendly letters to David for encouragement using the elements in writing that we have been working on lately, such as comparative adjectives and idioms. The students are really excited about going there to see “el loco” as they have named him. Keeping with the theme, we are going to see the Deep Sea, Imax 3-D movie that is also playing at Lincoln Center, and closing up the trip with a jaunt through Central Park.

This is why I love teaching; I get to take kids on wacky adventures that will stick with them long after they leave my classroom. Wouldn’t you love to be in my class? (Actually, if you are in the city and want to play hooky from work for awhile join us!) I am sure I’ll have some cool pictures soon!

Categories: Work, General
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After a minor false start, we picked up a shiny almost new Honda Rebel last weekend. The prior owner had apparently won the bike in a contest, rode it home and decided to keep his existing ride. With a mere 3 miles on the clock, the bike was priced as if used, but for all intents and purposes, new. I was forced to dust off my clutch and shifting skills for the ride home, and with only one stall and some very minor protests from the transmission, made it home in one piece.

As with most government services in New York, a “delightful” three hour wait at the DMV with angry citizens of the Empire State, followed by rousing discourse with an apathetic government employee resulted in freshly minted NY State tag and registration certificate. I was promised a mere 90 “business” days for the wheels of the machine to crank out the title, while being admonished that I would have less than 10 calendar days to complete various inspections and my end of the “bargain.”

License and registration appropriately placed on the bike, this weekend, Meghan and I went to a relatively abandoned parking lot for her first installment of Motorcycling 101. Like skiing and SCUBA diving before, she picked it up surprisingly quickly and in no time was zooming around the parking lot (albeit at less than 10 mph or so). As a final flourish to her first lesson, she was working the turn signals and giving the throttle a little rev to show off, although shifting into second gear will wait for a future lesson.

To cap off the weekend’s moto-related activities, we made a quick trip up to the local BMW Motorcycle dealer to get Meghan some boots, and drool over new steeds. The motivation for all this two wheeled action is a plan for an “extended” ride slowly congealing in the back of our minds. Stay tuned for details…

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So now aside from my sexy Motorola Razr I will have another moto. Pat just won an E-bay auction for my motorcycle. For a learning bike we were expecting to get something used, but surprisingly the one we ended up with was only used to travel 4 miles! I am really excited about learning to ride. I am planning on taking the written test in April, and going for the Motorcycle Safety Foundations course in June. Anyone want to come learn with me?

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Growing up there are always things that annoy us about our parents. Particularly as a teenager, we think about how silly are parents are and how when we grow up we will be nothing like them. Much to the dismay of our youth, as we grow up and enter a similar stage of life as our parents, those characteristics that we were so bothered with before seem to be the ones that we find we take on first and see nothing wrong with today. Here is a short list of how I am becoming my darling mother:

1. The first thing that I do when I get in the car is tune to 1010 WINS for news, weather and traffic reports. Who cares about music if I haven’t given them 22 minutes?
2. When I come home, the first thing that I do is take off my work clothes and get comfortable, in other words put on my pajamas.
3. My favorite thing to wear is fleece sweatpants.
4. When I come home with groceries I honk, ring the doorbell and wait for help.
5. There is always something (an essential element of the evening’s meal) that I need you to pick up on your way home.

I can’t wait to have children and see what other elements of my beautiful, darling mother shine through!

Categories: Home, General
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In the course of my shameless efforts to promote my fledgling consulting company, Prevoyance Group, an unexpected fringe benefit was an appearance in today’s New York Times. After turning past several shots of the beautiful people in “The Arts,” receiving an award for most wonderful such and such, you’ll come across the smiling mug of yours truly nestled in the Business section.

This of course, is not my first newspaper appearance. I’ve been featured in the internationally-acclaimed Podunk Times for sweeping the 2nd grade diorama competition for my paper mache rendition of a pirate ship, and again for a crushing defeat in the 4th grade pinewood derby.

If you’re looking for the post mentioned in the article about the very effective method of keeping track of days based on dry cleaning, it can be found here. Or, one of my favorite travel-related short stories can be found here. For those of you stopping by for the first time, enjoy. Be on the lookout as perhaps I’ll have to dust off the paper mache again for my next newspaper appearance!

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We’ve added pictures from Anita’s birthday party to the gallery.

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After two hundred and some odd thousand miles, the Maxima is on its last leg. I think that moving from Connecticut was the straw that broke the little Nissan’s back. Well, not really, I guess it just made us realize the terrible shape that it was truly in.

Because of some serious corruption, the car inspection system in Connecticut was disbanded, and you could pretty much drive anything that would run regardless of the amount of carbon monoxide it produced. Moving to New York and attempting to register it in the Empire state proved to be an odyssey.

We found a place that could do the inspection within walking distance of both our home and the train. This proved a wise move, as this venture took nearly an entire week. In the end, the car never passed inspection, the Maxima is enjoying new spark plugs, and the lovely gentlemen at the shop are nearly $ 600.00 richer. I thought that paying such an outrageous amount and still having a car below New York’s standards was enough for them to give it a proper burial. Alas, the inspection required a temporary registration, which required the title. That translates to an elder piece of useless machinery that now sits in our only parking space at home waiting for its “papers” for a proper funeral service.

All that mess meant that I was in the market for a new set of wheels. While it was sad to part with the Turrets inflicted Maxima, buying your first new car is quite a thrill. Patrick and I spent hours pouring over online pricing, customizations, and reviews. The final decision left us with a beautiful new Velocity Red Mazda 3, complete with six CD changer, sun roof and a racy spoiler.

This sexy little beast—aptly named Esmeralda—and I have been tearing up the roads as far north as Boston, and south as Virginia. Stay tuned, we may soon be found “Zoom Zoom Zoom-ing” in a neighborhood near you.

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Well not really the sea, it’s more like a lake, but it sounded more poetic that way. Well, it’s not exactly a natural lake either, but a former quarry that has now become the Mecca for divers in Tri-State area.

Another of Pat’s attempts to get me acclimated to the great outdoors was his hope to have a diving buddy. We went scuba diving together once when we were in Mexico. As we were on the Pacific side, the water was quite cold, the visibility was terrible and we didn’t really see much when we were down there. I came up alive and seemed to have a slight bit of fun, so I decided that I too should become a certified diver. With Pat’s gentle but persistent encouragement, some gear for my birthday, and general comments along the line of “yeah right Meghan” from my family, I signed up for lessons.

Becoming a certified diver basically has three parts: the academic component, pool dives, and open water dives. The academic portion was a piece of cake; I did some reading, watched a cheesy video, and took some tests. The pool component proved to be a touch more difficult, well at least on the first day. According to my instructor, I suffered from the same deficiency as many other novice divers: trouble refraining from breathing through my nose. In normal circumstances when using scuba, your mask covers your nose and the regulator (where you get your air) is in your mouth. Among the required skills are clearing a flooded mask, and mask removal/recovery. Sounds easy right: just getting water out of your mask, and essentially taking it off and getting it back on. Right, well think of that from my uncontrollable nose breathing point of view.

On the first try at flooding my mask I got a mouth full of water and started choking. Knowing that I was only at the bottom of a pool, my natural reaction was to rise to the surface—well, I never made it. My instructor’s approach includes solving all problems underwater. So as I am choking and struggling to get up to the surface, Bradley is trying to hold me down and calm me at the same time. In the end I survived and learned a valuable lesson.

Between sessions in the pool I did my homework—sink diving. Pat was concerned about my progress towards becoming a competent diver when he came home and caught me with my face in a full sink with a snorkel in my mouth. “No really,” I said with a dripping face. “This is my homework!” and plunged my face in for a second round. Just as expected, this was not a problem for me again.

The weekend after proving myself in the mountains I ventured to Dutch Springs in lovely Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and completed my four open water dives for certification. This place is quite a sight, not to mention an interesting experience. From the parking lot all you can see is a grassy lawn. As you walk across it, you can see downhill to the edge of the water where you see hundreds of people suiting up and walking into the lake in full gear. It felt quite surreal at first, like I was at some strange Navy Seal training ground. Without thinking about it too much, I began suiting up—from head to toe.

The one difference between diving in the Northeast and the Caribbean is the difference between the air and water temperatures. Upon arrival at Dutch Springs the temp was a balmy 95 degrees, but the water was something like 50 degrees. The process of getting ready and walking into the water felt like hell. Trust me, squeezing your sweaty body into two layers of neoprene, boots, gloves, and a hood; then strapping a tank on your back, and walking a thousand feet through gravel is not fun. But getting into the water and feeling official is quite fun though!

Over the course of a day and a half I completed all the skills necessary to become a certified diver flawlessly. I even got comments about being part fish, since I was managing my air supply like a pro. I even took my mask off and put it back on without having a panic attack. After completing the requirements, I took my first official dive to a sunken Sikorsky helicopter. It was pretty amazing to explore something so large almost forty feet below the surface. I can’t wait to go diving in the tropics with my “husband” on our honeymoon!

With my certification in hand, this fish mountain goat is ready for her next adventure…

Categories: Travel, General
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As part of our battle against blog spam (you may have noticed the “online casino” comments randomly appearing) and our attempts to stay on the cutting edge of technology, I’ve upgraded our blogging software. Functionality should be pretty much the same, however there is a new template system that will necesitate me spending a little more time getting back to the template we all know and love.

In the meantime, please let me know if you notice anything not working correctly, and hopefully the online casinos will be making less and less of an appearance!

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Perhaps one of the worst sounds you can ever hear from your hard drive is “click click click click……wrrrrrrrr,” followed closely by “Bad Block” errors. That was the not-so-sweet song PatandMeg.com’s 4-year old hard drive made shortly after being setup in our new apartment on Friday. After a weekend of cursing and compiling, the server is slowly returning to life powered by it’s new hard drive, and thanks to the amazing Linux utility dd_rescue, that managed to save much of what you’re reading below.

Please leave a comment here if you notice anything strange as repairs are continued over the coming days.

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PatandMeg.com will be taking an official "timeout" starting tomorrow afternoon
for the big move. The official return of the website hangs in the hands of
Verizon and our new DSL provider, which are slippery hands at best.

We have an installation "appointment" tomorrow, which should take place between
the ultra-convenient hours of 8AM-5PM, and someone must be present, since
normal people never have anything to do other than sit around at home during
those hours on a work day. It’s going to be tricky getting the phone man where
he needs to be, and finishing packing at the other apartment…

Operating under Mr. Murphy, the Verizon folks will come as soon as I leave the
new apartment to finish packing, get lunch, or some other 5 minute task. Assuming all goes well, and the rest of the technical glitches are worked out,
hopefully we’ll be back on the air in a week or so. Until then…

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After a record apartment search (eight apartments in about eight hours) Meghan and I have found our new home in Harrison, NY. It’s a nice two bedroom apartment on the third floor of a multi-family house, and met my requirement of having a washer and dryer, and Meghan’s requirement of being close to the train. There’s also a batty Italian landlord, who hopefully has a clandestine connection to shady dealings of some sort.

With checks cut for the security deposit and outrageous realtor’s fees (I wish I could get $2400 for 3 hours work) we are slated to move in on the 1st of April. This of course raises the specter of that ultimate evil: packing. Those of my family and friends who have endured one of my many moves around the eastern seaboard can attest to the fact that I will not be winning “Most Organized Packer” anytime in the foreseeable future. Try as I may to get organized early, invariably there is some cabinet accidentally left unpacked, or various knickknacks without boxes that end up being jammed into a bag and thrown into the moving truck at the last minute. While businesses are celebrated for Just In Time inventory management, the accolades for my Just In Time Packing system have yet to arrive. Meghan remains convinced we can fully pack and move by the 1st, so I am putting my faith in her superior organizational abilities.

A further consequence of the move is that I’ll need to dismantle the tangle of wires and battered hardware that keeps PatandMeg.com up and running. I hope we’ll keep the downtime to under a week, but we will be at the mercy of utility provides installing high-speed internet access at our new digs. Don’t worry, we’ll be back as soon as I complete that other most unpleasant of duties: unpacking.

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Since 1991 the Maroon Monster, a 1991 Nissian Maxima has been serving the Gray family well. It’s more recent duties consit of shuttling my lovely fiancee to and from the train station, a 3 mile round trip. After several months of service, the Max has finally hit the big 200,000 mile marker, with Meghan at the helm!

Here she is, moments before the big event:

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I hope all of our loyal readers enjoyed a wonderful Holiday and are off to a good start with 2005! Meghan and I made a whilwind tour of the east coast: CT to Elizabeth, NJ, back to CT, then to the Pocconos, then to Mohegan Sun, then to Portland, ME., and finally back home!

Our visit to Mohegan Sun was quite fruitful, although I fear Meghan may have had a biased introduction to the craps table. We were looking for low rent tables to start her off, but only $10 and $25 tables (dime and quarter tables to those of you in the know) were open, and every one was packed. We finally got on a dimer, since space cleared out after a string of terrible shooters. We arrived just at the right time, and just could not lose. Meghan walked away with a purple chip ($500) on her first real craps run, which took your humble author years to accomplish. I was $40 shy of a yellow chip, a 200% return on investment with about an hour’s work. We celebrated with a nice dinner, and a “few” drinks.

We celebrated New Years with Meghan’s friend Anne in Portland, ME., and her parents were generous enough to contribute their lovely home to the party. My two buddies Greg and Jeff, both who have been present for our last two New Years bashes made it a hat trick, and a good time was had by all.

Unfortunately, it’s back to work for both of us. Meghan should be arriving at school at this time, and your faithful correspondant is posting this entry from the lovely lobby of the Sheraton Chicago Northwest. Hopefully 2005 finds all of you well, and readjusting well to the “grind.”

Happy 2005!

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10. Because I LOVE getting my exercise by chasing David, Akino and Reuben around the library and the entire third floor.

9. Because if I weren?t there, who would tell the other teachers that don?t speak Spanish that the words puta, chupalo, chocha, and huevo are not the innocent pet names that the kids say they are.

8. Because without me Brianna wouldn?t have anyone to call a b**ch!

7. Because I love the exciting new adventures that each day brings: drinking in school, cutting up books, cutting class, spitballs, fights, and actual learning?

6. Because if I weren?t there, who would be there to take two horrific coverages when 50% of the teaching staff is simultaneously ?out sick? on a Monday?

5. Because who else would actually teach a schedule of 6th grade, 7th grade, 8th grade, French, and bilingual classes?

4. Because some of my students think that ?Chingy? is the vice president; North and South California are states and that Bill Clinton freed the slaves.

3. Because I love the feeling I get when I look around the room and I see every student interested and engaged in the task at hand.

2. Because I really do love expanding the horizons of my little darlings and teaching them a thing or two about the world we live in.

1. Because I wouldn?t get to hear Francis say, ?Miss that was a really great lesson?one I?ll remember for the rest of my life!?

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It?s off to the Gray Residence in New Hampshire on Wednesday for Turkey Time. Meghan and I will be joining the Pat?s (my parents Pat and Pat), Tanis and her new fiancee Roger. I?m flying home Wednesday afternoon from Chicago, picking up Meghan in Stamford, and then we?re tearing up I-91 in the TL. I?m hoping that the rest of the Northeast is leaving bright and early, so we can let the TL stretch her legs and get us up north quickly.

Meghan and I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving holiday, or a great weekend in general for those of you outside the US!

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A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a dust cloud approached at high speed, out of which emerged a shiny silver BMW. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Ferragamo shoes, the latest Polarized sunglasses and a tightly knotted power tie, poked his head out the window and asked the shepherd, “Hey! If I can tell you how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”

The shepherd looked at the man, then glanced at his peacefully grazing flock and answered, “Sure.”

The driver parked his car, plugged his microscopic cell phone into a laptop and briskly surfed to a GPS satellite navigation system on the Internet and initiated a remote body-heat scan of the area. While the computer was occupied, he sent some e-mail via his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, nodded solemnly at the responses. Finally, he printed a 150 page report on the little laser printer in his glove compartment, turned to the shepherd, waving the sheaves of paper, and pronounced ?You have exactly 1,586 sheep.”

“Impressive. One of my sheep is yours.” said the shepherd.

He watched the young man select an animal and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd said: “If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”

Pleased to meet a fellow sportsman, the young man replied ?You?re on.?

“You are a consultant.” said the shepherd without hesitation.

“That’s correct,” said the young man, impressed. “How ever did you guess?”

“It wasn?t a guess,” replied the shepherd. “You drive into my field uninvited. You ask me to pay you for information I already know, answer questions I haven?t asked, and you know nothing about my business. Now give me my back my dog.”

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