New Rates, Old Rooms

My current home away from home, the Sheraton Long Island located in world famous Hauppauge, NY (no, I don’t know how to pronounce it either) has once again ruffled the feathers of my comrades and I. Despite a relatively modern and attractive lobby, complete with bubbling fountain and a full compliment of bubbly concoctions at the lobby bar, the rooms have always been less than stellar.

After staying at a hotel for over six months, you get a good sense of the nuances between rooms. There are a series of rooms named after past presidents, with no particular relation that I can discern, that include a spiral staircase and “lounge” on the lower floor. Despite thinking that a spiral staircase and/or automatic freezer icemaker were sure signs of unimaginable wealth during my youth, the rickety spiral proves more of an inconvenience than anything else. The squeaks and buckles made by the staircase as overweight businessmen mount it’s spiraled wonder are heard for a four room radius on any side, and the risk of disability incurred by a fall after a nightcap are very real.

The general 1970’s decor of the rooms is also complimented by the patented “smoke funk” odor: stale cigarettes from past life as smoking rooms, combined with noxious chemical smells designed to mask the smell of smoke. There are a few rooms with fireplaces which seemed like a nice benefit, until the small plague next to the gas switch informs the guest that the “Fire Marshall of Hauppauge” has disallowed their use and disabled the system.

Despite the lackluster rooms, a reasonable rate and the siren’s song of Starwood Points, good for free vacations at wife-approved venues around the world kept myself and a band of merry men on the frequent guest list. The New Year brought the shutdown of the club lounge, an evening refuge for the aforementioned overweight businessmen to have a cocktail, pig in a blanket and catch Jeopardy. It also marked a 13% increase in our rate. For a 20% decrease in service, we were being asked to pay an additional 13%.

To enrage a business traveler, especially one that is self-employed, take away his or her frequent flyer status, or increase their rates for any of the services they use. The “Revenue Manager” at the hotel received several calls and visits from “interested parties” regarding the new rate. Her qualms about appeasing shareholders were met with stern faces, especially since my “shareholders” sit across from me at the dinner table!