Attention New Year’s Fans:
It’s the third official New Years bash with your favorite friends! After
extensive research, several options have come and gone. We’ve investigated
Orlando and Vegas, and went as far a field as Iceland and San Juan, but all
ended up at a total cost of over $1000.
After conducting multiple exit polls and extensive demographic analyses, the
following potential locations have been selected for this year’s New Year’s
bash. Please respond with your vote and I’ll return the results of the
Electoral College as soon as soon as all votes are tallied.
THIS YEAR’S CANDIDATES:
Quebec, QC., Canada (Dem)
Rife with discontent over the recent presidential elections, this year’s
Democratic candidate has fled to Canada, to rustic and charming Quebec City.
The rather long drive, which will necessitate much “Blood for Oil” will be
broken up with an overnight stop at the famous “La Marquis” hotel, renowned
for its 40oz Labatt Bleue’s and “liberal” staff. We’ll then proceed to more
comfortable lodging in Quebec City, and enjoy the charms of the city while
escaping the evil of the “red states.”
Mohegan Sun, CT. (Rep)
After a clear voter mandate, the religious right has presented a candidate
based on good old fashioned family values: gambling, drinking and over
indulgence. Advancing cost cutting measures, the Republicans have located
lodging within 5 minute shuttle service of the casino. The Republicans have
warned that this could be the most expensive, or the least expensive of the
three options, depending on whether their candidate can “reach across the
felt” and convince craps, blackjack and roulette “special interest groups”
to fund their programs.
North Conway, NH (Ind)
Despite poor results in polls, the Green Party has decided to move a bit
right of the Green [mountain] State, to New Hampshire. Returning to their
core values that allowed them to host New Year’s 2004, the Independents will
once again advance North Conway as a viable “alternative” option. Pointing
to the low costs entailed with smaller government, and the host of
environmentally-friendly activities available, the Greens think they have a
winner.
Please cast your votes ASAP, as absentee ballots may not be counted!
Best Regards,
The New Years Election Commission